Is The Manager-Mother Syndrome Hurting Your Leadership Potential

Is The Manager-Motzu sich Syndrome Hurting Your Leadership Potential Kishshana Palmer is a jack of all trades shes a sought-after strategist, speaker, trainer, social good matchmaker and nonprofit coach whos managed high-performing fundraising and sale professionals for over 15 years.Through herbei business, Fabulously Fundraising, Palmer helps social impact organizations design development infrastructures, create diversified fundraising programs and manage high-performing teams, and shes raised over $45 million dollars for her clients thus far. But thats bedrngnis all Palmer does she also tackles a whole lot of bro housework.Think of me as your fixer, she says. I am passionate about helping nonprofits and entrepreneurs who want to do social good grow their organizations, grow their boards, grow their funding and grow their teams.Perhaps because shes a self-proclaimed fixer, Palmer is also oft-conscious of her mother/manager syndrome a managerial style some women use, most often t oward male colleagues and subordinates, in which they adopt a motherly manner of relating to employees and in which they assume office housework. The houseworkincludesperson-oriented tasks, usually unrelated to ones actual job description, that add up over time and consume the bulk of a womansday.Who is the office mom?The office mom is usually an older woman, and sometimes even a senior executive, who buys coffee for everyone, who recognizes when the refrigerator is low on milk and the bathroom on toilet paper, and who makes sure her team is content.I would describe the mother/manager syndrome as wanting to have a more personal relationship with your team than is reasonable at work, Palmer explains, noting that the office mom also looks to boost company morale by making the team comfortable sharing personal experiences travel, illness, family and all things that influence how we interact with our teammates.Frankly, many women are nurturers. We are gifted at building relationships a nd our desire to build relationships and have authentic connections can influence our management style. I think many of us are conditioned from really early on doll play, play dates, teaming to socialize while working, and that spills over into our careers as we manage people.Why do women use this style of management?Palmer isnt the only woman using this style of management, of course. Other women like Sooinn Lee, CEO and co-founder of education technology startup Enuma, use the mother/manager syndrome in an effort to actually stab und sttze other mothers.In the beginning, our team welches comprised entirely of flex-time parents, and I wanted to build a company where I and all of our team members could balance family and work, she says. I dreamed of a workplace where we did not have to compromise being a mother and being a valuable team member.I dreamed of a workplace where we can bring our kids into the office when the nanny couldnt make it or when schools close for anon-holiday. After five years in business, 20 of Enumas 24 members are parents and half of them are female. As such, she says all of their management styles can be characterized as motherly, and they each take pride in and focus on supporting mothers in management.We often ask how the kids are doing and take action to support our teams work and family balance, she says. We have very flexible rules on working hours, scheduling meetings and modifying work schedules to avoid drop-off and pick-up times. This is true even for board meetings. It helps that most of our board members are also actively-involved parents. If someone can easily depart early to help a sick child, they dont mind working after the childs bedtime to make it up. One of our team members regularly leaves work at3 p.m.to take her child to a rock climbing gym and then works from their Wi-Fi. When one staffers family member started chemo therapy, she reduced her work schedule to half to support her relative.Lee says her motherly mana gerial style is about retaining the companys top talent in Silicon Valley, and shes proud to have a workplace that feels like a village.Why is the mother-manager syndrome hurtful?While the aforementioned motherly tasks seem both subtle and simple, however, the problem lies in the societal assumption women will take care of things at the office when no one else will. Weve accepted the mother/manager syndrome as the norm when, in fact, women have responsibilities that actually pertain to their positions to which they need to be prioritizing. Regardless, women still earn less than men, and theyre expected to take on work that is not delineated in their job descriptions.Feminist Fight Club author Jessica Bennett has called the syndrome the perfect example of both external sexism and internalized sexism. She told CNN, We think we need to be helpful and nurturing and take on these roles that are traditionally female.Besides the issue of assuming women will take care of the office and its employees, theres also the issue of exploiting a motherly managerial style in an effort to motivate or accelerate a team. Palmer adds that, when forced, this managerial style can create an unbalanced and super uncomfortable relationship between managers and their subordinates.How? The mother/manager syndrome is actually deemed a representation of a negative parenting behavior pattern. Parents who are guilty of this behavior are known as Verbose parents, according to occupational therapist, business owner, psychologist and life coach mentor, Julia Harper.That negative parenting style is furthermore based on a brain pattern of reactivity not wanting to deal with conflict with a child or, in this case, an employee, the mother-manager uses negotiation, over-explaining and convincing to get the child or employee to do what they would like, she explains. This style functions to reduce or avoid conflict. It is a reactive pattern of flight, running or fleeing from the conflict via manipula tion and control.Whether a woman uses it with her own children, with her spouse or with her colleagues at work, Harper says mother/manager syndrome is always a reaction.Bottom line The mother-boss managerial style is one based in manipulation and control, she puts blankly, adding that it is often subconscious. Its a passive-aggressive controlling style. It is a reaction style that women use often because it is how women are socialized. Wedont see this pattern of behavior as negative because its a hidden reaction. We actually think that its positive and helpful.But Palmer says, as a woman, shes burdened with a lot of pressure on how she manages and leads at all times.Youre always thinking about how things will land, and how decisions you make for your team will look, as well as who will be affected, she explains. This can take the focus off setting the bar (and the pace) for your team to operate, and get you caught in the weeds of managing the personal aspects of work relationships w hen you mightnot need to.--AnnaMarie Houlis is a multimedia journalist and an adventure aficionado with a keen cultural curiosity and an affinity for solo travel. Shes an editor by day and a travel blogger at HerReport.org by night.